5 year old russian girl raised by dogs

Russian child protection officers have taken into care a five-year-old girl who barks and laps up food like a dog, having had more contact with canines than humans.

21 year old Australian wizard raised by Ferris Bueller

CHICKEN LICKIN'

QUESTION:

Wizard breath,
I write to you as I have been breathing my breath, most likely that which you have been so scrupulously sniffing between the hours of 11 & 3 on loftus street; in ponderment of whether I should lay ten eggs a week or a golden egg every six weeks. Sorry to ask you a question of such socio-political context on such an avant-garde forum on the banalities of whinging wogs and wardrobe wizards. But I must digress, I know this breaks most neo-traditional chicken conundrums, but I put to you... The "condom conundrum", I was rather rooster-liking in my pen a week or so ago when searching through my top drawer for a bedroom blocker cherry chopper. Yet no longer could I find the normal blue ansell's one has grown so accustomed to over the years in length and girth. I had only the options of sonic-strawbanger or banana-bender, never has one been subjected to such putrid fruity flavours for such a fruitless frolicking excercise, wherein not even one cherry was taken. To this I attribute to one thomo-thompskin's who had been filandering in the spare bedroom with one we shall only refer to as the bitch using up the priceless commodity of the plainly normal, blue ansell's.
So do you think it was not only my breath but the sonic-strawberry-strawbanger you were sniffing on loftus street?
Most sincerely,
The crumpet-chump ( Carl H-T)
Nb. RIP blue ansell's!

You have a serious problem, and im not talking about your lack of flavourless condoms, whats so bad about a bit of strawberry to spice things up in the sack anyway. The real problem is in your complete inability to embrace your true self, you are clearly poultry, deal with it. It also troubles us here at T.W.A.T.W. that you are still mates with thommo and allow him to fornicate in your house, deal with this too.

Bemused

The Wizard does not often come across a problem which cant be fixed by a flick through the spell book or a stir of the cauldron. However recently i have experienced something so dumbfounding I'm left with little recourse but to turn to the mortal masses for answers.

It all started about 3 weeks into semester just before noon i was riding the broomstick to my first class of the day. I turned off Vincent st heading south along Loftus st, As soon as i passed through the first intersection, my nose twitched and i was hit by the unmistakable odour of toast left in the toaster too long. I thought it was odd because this area is not residential but didnt think much further into it.

Next Tuesday at the same time i sniffed it again and for the next 3 tuesdays just before noon the same. I did not yet become completely perplexed until it was no longer on Tuesdays that the oduor lingered, the smell was becoming more frequent.

Now almost every day when i drive down Loftus st between Vincent st and Railway prde and between the hours of 11 to 3. There it is, hanging over my head like a bad smell. To be honest i havnt gone to any great lengths to solve this mystery i asked ricca, joe, mum, dad and rebecca. None of them knew nor cared. So I implore you if any of you out there have any ideas please contact me via telepathy.

ANTI-SEMATIC SUPPORT

We received an email early today from foreign email address, funnily enough it was signed off by one kris gale. this was strange to me as is was playing golf with him at the time. but whatever. here is his query:

Hi guys, Just wondering what your thoughts on suspenders are? are they socially acceptable? i'm thinking of making a purchase however i'm not sure whether i am ready to commit, do you know anyone cool who wears them besides steve urcle?? my dad says i will look smart in them..... but i need ur advice! Hugs and Kisses, Kris Gale

Listen here you anti Semitic bastard, we wont have a bar of you and your skin head mates on this blog. it was probably you that posted that you tube video in front of the bell tower, wasn't it! If by some strange coincidence you're not actually a skinhead, which i doubt, then there is only two other people that pull off suspenders. One is old school rockers, the other is this guy;

Hughey, AKA: Mrs Stewarts husband

Dancing Dave

I shall pose a question i'd like advice too.
If, for some reason, I was to form a dance crew, at this late stage in my life, could I learn enough moves to rival Michael Jackson or at least the people from step it up (1 and 2). Could my moves somehow become better than Jean Claude Van Dammes in the movie Kickboxer. See link below for reference point.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOIJtS4gbaY

Thanks

David Torre


Dear David

Well done on becoming the first person to respond to our advice post. Whithout beating around the bush i dont like your chances. Alot of these proffesional dancers all start at a very young age and are also blessed with bucket loads of raw talent. Although im not completely aware of what kind of level your at with your dance, I think it may be a little too late to rival Michael Jackson or Van Damme for that matter. However, we would like to send you in the right direction, and believe that this video may indeed help you.

As always here at W&W we are more than happy to help

NEED HELP?

We here at the wizard and the whinger are starting an advice column, mainly to do with lack of ideas. If you are having relationship troubles, need to know something about space travel, or just want general chit chat, write in and we'll answer your queries.

msg in your questions and your details to

dalesj01@gmail.com

prizes for the best question.

NB: there may or may not be a prize.

ARE YOU A YES MAN?

The vote is tommorow, and if you dont vote yes then you are an idiot.

almost everybody else in this world has daylight saving, except little old, behind the times perth. dont be one of the ignorant. Vote YES and send us into the present.

TOP TEN TIPS TO EXAM TRIUMPH.

It has come to that time of year again where you are made to pay for missing all those lectures and tutes during the semester. While the delightful May sun shines and the birds chirp you're destined to spend the next month inside reading about shit your never going to need to know in the future. For those of you struggling with exam preparation, here is our;

TOP TEN TIPS TO EXAM TRIUMPH:


1. Use alliteration at every opportunity, it makes even the worst sentence sound interesting.

2. Become friends with someone that has ADD/ADHD. As they are a rare breed these days, crystal meth can also be a great substitute.

3. Take up smoking. Just like exercise it makes you short of breathe and stink, so why leave to house for that little bit of stress relief.

4. Don't bother sleeping ( this goes hand in hand with tip #2). There is plenty of time for sleep from June 19th.

5. Dabble in a game of chess. Chess allows you to relax whilst stimulating your mind. It's really quite exquisite.

6. Cheat wherever possible. It's really not that hard to get away with, apparently.

7. When short of ideas in exams, why not brighten your maker's day by inserting humour. it may not get you any marks but tutours hate exams as much as you.

eg.

8. Only check facebook occasionally. Although our generation has been accustomed to knowing what is on all your friends mind within a minute of them thinking it, facebook is the devil on the right shoulder of any half arsed student.

9. Although exams technically take place outside the semester it is still important to maintain hygeine and a neat appearence throughout this period. Its hard to concentrate when your wearing ugg boots.

10. Don't fail. otherwise you'll be stuck doing the same bullshit philosophy unit next year, with the same lectures, the same tutes and all the younger kids to remind you that you are now a year behind. nobody cares about primitive huts anyway.

"Remember, there is pleasure to be derived from discipline (and im not talking about bondage)" - Joely-Kym Sobbot (excentric architecture tutour)

From all of us here at the wizard and the whinger, best of luck for your examinations and dont go ass to mouth.