TOP TEN TIPS TO EXAM TRIUMPH.

It has come to that time of year again where you are made to pay for missing all those lectures and tutes during the semester. While the delightful May sun shines and the birds chirp you're destined to spend the next month inside reading about shit your never going to need to know in the future. For those of you struggling with exam preparation, here is our;

TOP TEN TIPS TO EXAM TRIUMPH:


1. Use alliteration at every opportunity, it makes even the worst sentence sound interesting.

2. Become friends with someone that has ADD/ADHD. As they are a rare breed these days, crystal meth can also be a great substitute.

3. Take up smoking. Just like exercise it makes you short of breathe and stink, so why leave to house for that little bit of stress relief.

4. Don't bother sleeping ( this goes hand in hand with tip #2). There is plenty of time for sleep from June 19th.

5. Dabble in a game of chess. Chess allows you to relax whilst stimulating your mind. It's really quite exquisite.

6. Cheat wherever possible. It's really not that hard to get away with, apparently.

7. When short of ideas in exams, why not brighten your maker's day by inserting humour. it may not get you any marks but tutours hate exams as much as you.

eg.

8. Only check facebook occasionally. Although our generation has been accustomed to knowing what is on all your friends mind within a minute of them thinking it, facebook is the devil on the right shoulder of any half arsed student.

9. Although exams technically take place outside the semester it is still important to maintain hygeine and a neat appearence throughout this period. Its hard to concentrate when your wearing ugg boots.

10. Don't fail. otherwise you'll be stuck doing the same bullshit philosophy unit next year, with the same lectures, the same tutes and all the younger kids to remind you that you are now a year behind. nobody cares about primitive huts anyway.

"Remember, there is pleasure to be derived from discipline (and im not talking about bondage)" - Joely-Kym Sobbot (excentric architecture tutour)

From all of us here at the wizard and the whinger, best of luck for your examinations and dont go ass to mouth.